be proud

I come from a family of go getters. There are so many people in my family who have decided that instead of chasing their dream job they would create it. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be one of them. There is something about starting your own business that is completely and utterly terrifying. I remember before I began Amy May Paper, thinking how in the world do people do this. How do you take all of these thoughts and these dreams and turn them into an actual, profitable, operating business. 

I think that, for me, the fear I felt before I began was healthy. It kept me going, it kept me motivated and still does to this day. It encouraged me to want more for myself. And then all of the sudden day by day the logistics were being put into place and I was learning more about llc's, and taxes, and contracts... and then the real fear set in. 

What if I fail? What if  I never have another client again? What if I am horrible at executing this dream? Y'all, self doubt is crippling. I cannot even begin to explain the waves of emotion I have gone through on this journey. 

I am so lucky to have a community around me, people who have also started their own businesses; who work every day to make their dreams a reality that are constantly encouraging me. But amidst all the questions, all the stress, the doubt... all the pressure you put on yourself to succeed -there is a sense of accomplishment, a  sense of pride that far outweighs any of those overwhelming, fearful moments. 

When I was having photos done for the website {you can read more about that here}, I was working with the wonderful Alyssa Rosenheck. She was styling away an invitation suite of mine and showed me the picture she had captured on her camera. I had this moment.... I was completely overwhelmed in the best way possible. And right there in her studio - looking at that picture on her camera screen I had this moment that i will never forget. I was proud of myself. I remember looking at that picture and thinking back to the days when I wondered how in the world people created, executed, and printed an invitation suite. How in the world do you get your writing onto the computer, and then perfectly pressed onto paper {not to mention all the little steps in between}? That photo was a symbol of hard work, dedication, time, and so much love. Love for this craft, love for what I do, love for each client that allows me to capture a certain moment in their lives.  

I told Alyssa that day that I will always cherish that photo. It was one of the vert first times I thought to myself.... You did it - and you should be really proud. I think sometimes our society doesn't encourage those feelings of accomplishment. It comes across as too confident, or self righteous, when in reality in those moments are what make the  journey worth it.  All the struggle, all the worry, all the effort.  I will never forget that feeling or this photo. I have this photo framed in my office as a reminder. On the days when that darn self doubt creeps in - I can look at it and remind myself that if you put in the work you truly can achieve anything. 

So to all the doers - today give yourself some credit. Be proud of where you are in this moment and the choices you have made that have brought you this far. Give yourself a pat on the back - because you certainly deserve it. 

- X O -